Beady Eyed Crackers

This weekend I tried to explain about Beady Eyed Crackers to my children. I explained where they came from and why they are so scary (at least to a 5-6 yr old me) and they didn't get it. So I called my Dad so he can explain them to the girls, maybe it's only scary coming from a Grandpa.

Let me explain.

It's the early 1980's in San Jose, Ca a tired young girl, probably around 5 or 6 was sitting at her Grandpa's kitchen table. She'd driven all day in a hot station wagon with her 4 sisters and 1 brother from Sacramento to San Jose. She's hot, tired, hungry and cranky. Her Grandma had made a "delicious" dinner of tomato soup and crackers. Little did her Grandma know that this poor tired, hungry little girl didn't like tomato soup. She was more of a split pea soup kind of girl so all she wanted to eat was crackers, just crackers. Her dastardly parents wanted her eat this "delicious" soup that her Grandma had made for them. She just couldn't it was just too "delicious" for her taste buds. She had to eat some soup in order to get more crackers. This poor tired, hungry child may or may not have thrown a little fit, although she wasn't the fit throwing kind of child. Her Grandpa having had enough of her antics told her that if she ate too many crackers the Beady Eyed Crackers would come and get her in her sleep. See Beady Eyed Crackers don't like it when you eat their Ritz/Saltine cousins. It was unclear what the Beady Eyed Crackers did to you when ate too many crackers, but she was sure it was terrible, probably the most terrible thing she could think of. Being a sensitive child she probably began to cry. Then her heroic sister L saved the day and told her the her pink elephant would protect her. L had saved the day! Thankfully the girl had brought her pink elephant to sleep with. A crisis had been adverted.

If you looked closely at her Grandpa and Dad I'm sure you would have seen a gleam in their eye at this poor girls sadness. These were the kind of men who would laugh when Goose died in Top Gun (it's a very sad moment). The Beady Eyed Crackers will forever live in infamy and I'm sure this poor girl still has nightmares about them (not really but she could you know)